After being off tumblr for the entire 2013, I shall start something for 2014. No it’s not going to be those random re-posts from other sites, instead it’s going to be a long whiny post about what I learned through this past year in a nutshell. You see, after holding in too much in my mind, I just have to let things out before I go insane and this might just be a place where I might be able to do it.
So anyway, 2013 got off to a great start with friends that I made in Bali back in 2012 flying over from different parts of the world to spend the new year’s together here in Singapore.
Not long after, I found a job under an insurance agency. It wasn’t my cup of tea, but I needed something to pay the bills. This job gave me a peak into what office life would be like had I ever chosen that path, and I’m glad to say I made a wise decision back in 2007 to become a marine engineer, something my family wasn’t exactly approving of.
Then came march, where like every Singaporean son, I traded in my freedom and identity card to serve national service, or what the government calls “doing our part to defend the country”. Having done an extra semester followed by sailing, I ended up being put together with a bunch of kids around the age of 19. Now I’m not saying that they’re childish or anything, but it’s just not the same hanging out with a bunch of people who just turned 18 not so long ago. It was also very different mixing with people who mostly came from junior colleges when I was a poly kid. Nonetheless, I made some really good friends and it was rather enjoyable.
Then came my first heartbreak of the year. Now during the end of 2012 till sometime around my enlistment, I thought I was dating this rather sweet girl and that something might come out of it after being single for the past 6 years. However, she started telling me she was busy with school whenever I was free on the weekends soon after I donned the nice green uniform. It wasn’t really bothering me until one fine day, or maybe evening, when I saw with my own eyes that she had already moved on and was seeing someone else. So this was followed by lots of drinking and bitterness.
However, like all wise men say about what goes down must come up, I found some good out of that because an ex-girlfriend of mine soon started talking to me again. Now I know what everyone says about staying away from their exes, but it’s not the same when I’ve known that someone since we were kids back in primary school. There’s just some sort of a bond after having known a person for half our lives. As it turns out, she was doing an exchange program in Hong Kong for a couple of months.
So like any other sucker, I flew over as soon as I graduated from the basic training in the army. For a whole week, we spent every minute we could together after she was done with school, catching up on all those years where we lost contact as well as having fun getting lost in a foreign land. Now a real test of finding out what a person is like would be to travel together, because you NEED each other. Just like this, it hit me that I’d been a fool to give up on her the last time.
Fate is a really cruel thing. I had to leave a day before her birthday to continue my training back home. And just like that, we stopped talking even after she flew home. She had her school, I had my training schedule to follow. A dear friend passed on in a traffic car accident so horrible it appeared on the headlines of our local newspapers. I just had too many things to deal with.
Then it started again. We were going out, I’d rent a car just to pick her up from school to go for a simple dinner. It seemed like I might finally break my streak of being the only single guy amongst my friends.
But as fate has it, I got posted into one of the worst places to finish my service, which I’d rather not state. This caused many of our plans to go down the drain, eventually causing her to be disappointed one time too many. This time though, I decided that I couldn’t just let things die off. So grasping at any chances I thought I’d have, we still managed to find time to be together through all her work being a final year student in the university.
This brings us to December. We’ve been going out for at least a good 6 months, but we’re not progressing anywhere. Being a person who has never been good at showing my feelings, I find myself being lost, not knowing what to do or what I actually want out of this. At the same time, I can tell that she feels the same when she tries to hide her actions.
So that’s the end of my 2013. Sorry if anyone thought it’d be about my life in the army, but honestly I just don’t feel like that’s something to beat myself up over. I just hope 2014 would be less harsh on me.